Coping Methods
Basics
Breaking the Cycle web article by Archibald D. Hart, Ph.D.
How can an addictive process be broken once it has begun? This is not easy, but it is possible. Here are some suggestions:
The addict should try to identify whether the addiction is maintained by the drive of excitement seeking, tension reduction, or both. The greater his or her understanding of the dynamics of the addiction, the greater his or her ability to overcome it.
(It is vital to identify and deal with the root problem that caused the need to avoid pain.)
Ministry with those Addicted to Pornographic Pleasures web article by Ed M. Smith
Sexual "addiction" like most addictive disorders has two primary roots. One is the physical addiction of the substance or behavior itself and the other is a vain attempt in pain management.
Lust: The Great Escape web article by Alan Medinger
Lust has such power over us because it does deliver what we are looking for; it has capacity to reduce our pain (in the short run). Understanding this can help us resist Why is the battle against sexual lust so difficult for some people? The answer is simple: Because it works every time. It delivers what they are looking for -- immediate relief from pain or discomfort.
Pure Intimacy.org web site by Focus on the Family
To love God in our sex lives means to be pure in the fullness of the person God created us to be—physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. To do so is to live in wholeness.
When You Fall: Distinguishing between Right & Wrong Responses
web article by Alan Medinger
I was going to title this article "If You Fall," but I decided on "When You Fall," recognizing that in truth we all do fall in sin from time to time. There was only one perfect man. Our thrust here, of course, will be sexual sin, but what is said will not be confined to sexual falls with another person; it will be applicable to indulging in pornography, to masturbation or to just wallowing in lust.
A Time for Mourning web article by Alan Medinger
(Homosexuals are the inteded audience for this article but the second half of the article discusses the necessity for mourning in all areas of loss in our lives.)
We mourn for that which is lost. It may be a life -- or a soul. It may be an opportunity, or a way of life; it may be innocence. We mourn because we have lost something. Mourning is different from sentimentality, or mercifulness, or self-pity. Jesus mourned over the loss of so many souls in Jerusalem. He wept because he identified with Mary and Martha in their loss of Lazarus.
Sources of Shame web article by Karen Sackett
1. Personal needs unmet A. Loved for what you do. B. Ridiculed for interests, abilities
C. Feeling isolated 2. Ridiculed for body, feelings, and needs. 3. Violations of personhood
Creates a shame identity based on self-consciousness, people pleasing, rage, repression, perfectionism, and compulsive behaviors.
Intermediate
Why So Few Instant Healings? web article by Alan Medinger
(This article is aimed at homosexuality but it is relavent to all woundedness.)
Why doesn't God heal all of us of our homosexuality instantly? He could. We want Him to; we ask Him to. We are only asking to be set free from something He hates -- to be set free from a powerful drive to behave in a way that He has declared sinful. My answer -- one that I have also heard from others many times -- is that homosexuality is only a symptom, and God doesn't want to simply deal with the symptom.
Cold Turkey or the Gradual Way? web article by Alan Medinger
I had known Paul for a good many years, since he first came to Regeneration as a young man struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions. He was intelligent, a serious Christian and seemed to have most of his life together-all pluses in weighing his prospects for significant recovery. However, after a few years, he decided to plunge into the gay life and spent several years there.
Dr. Dobson's view of Masterbation web article
First, let's consider masturbation from a medical perspective. We can say without fear of contradiction that there is no scientific evidence to indicate that this act is harmful to the body. Despite terrifying warnings given to young people historically, it does not cause blindness, weakness, mental retardation, or any other physical problem. If it did, the entire male population and about half of females would be blind, weak, simpleminded, and sick.
Masturbation And The Bible web article by Lambert Dolphin
Although the Old Testament records the sexual failures of a number of men and women there are non-sexual sins that are more serious in the eyes of God, though they usually get less attention than sexual failures (see for example Proverbs 6:16-19). For instance, Jesus was merciful and compassionate towards a woman caught in the act of adultery, but he was scathing in his devastating rebukes of the arrogant self-righteousness of the Pharisees.
Advanced
The War Within: An Anatomy Of Lust web article
We cannot shut off either our brains or our glands. But consider the following article by a man in full-time ministry. The article is blunt. It's not the usual LEADERSHIP article. But we felt it important to be just this blunt and realistic. Sexual temptations in many forms have always lured Christians, but today's opportunities and climate make this article especially relevant to all of us.
Self-Control: Self-Effort or Fruit of the Spirit? web newsletter article by Dr. Jacobson
Getting stressed out over how much one eats or about trying to lose weight may be more detrimental than a lack of self-restraint, according to researchers at the University of British Columbia.
Client Resources
Taking Every Thought Captive: Spiritual Workouts to Help Renew Your Mind in God's Truth
book by Alaine Pakkala You can read the first chapter on line
Finally, a practical training guide to help you learn how to agree with God's renewing of your mind. These six spiritual workouts can be used by anyone who senses the need to be transformed by God's truth.
Also included, is a revealing Bible study that uncovers distortions we believe about God, and shows us how to dislodge those distortions.
It answers questions like:
- Does my heavenly Father really care about me?
- Can I really trust my heavenly Father?
- Does my heavenly Father expect too much from me?
You can also order a leader's guide for this book from Lydia Press. Below are some resources I use in conjunction with the book.
Truths About God
Truths About God with verses
First 10 Truths
Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts book by Jerry Bridges
WHY IS IT EASIER TO OBEY GOD THAN TO TRUST HIM?
Because obeying God makes sense to us. In most cases, His laws appear reasonable and wise, and even when we don't want to obey them, we usually concede that they are good for us. But the circumstances we find ourselves in often defy explanation. When unexpected situations arise that appear unjust, irrational, or even dreadful, we feel confused and frustrated. And before long we begin to doubt God's concern for us or His control over our lives. As you begin to explore the scope of God's power over nations, nature, and the detailed lives of individuals, you'll begin to acknowledge His loving control. And as you come to know Him better, you'll find yourself trusting Him more completely. Even when life hurts.
Exquisite Agony book by Gene Edwards
Exquisite Agony, formerly titled Crucified by Christians, is a beautiful and wholly unique book which points the wounded Christian to healing and to full restoration, even to triumph and ascension. If you have ever experienced unjust treatment from another believer, this monumental literary work is for you. From exquisite agony your life can enter into that of resurrection.
Shattered Dreams: God's Unexpected Path to Joy book by Larry Crabb
If God loves me, why does life hurt so much?
"A new way to live is available to us," writes widely respected author and counselor Larry Crabb, "a way that leads to a joy-filled encounter with Christ, to a life-arousing community with others, and to a powerful transformation of our interior worlds that makes us more like Jesus." You'll see how God moves you from shattered dreams to better dreams to the highest dream– and the joy that comes from dreaming it.
Pain: The Gift Nobody Wants book by Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey
This volume presents Brand's discourse on pain in the form of his memoirs, for he "learned about pain not systematically, but experientially." He then offers practical advice for managing and heeding pain.
Grateful Heart: An Antidote to Lust web article by Alan Medinger
Did you ever wonder why your struggles with lust seem to come in cycles? For some reason you seem to struggle mightily with lust for a number of days or weeks and then, for no apparent reason, the struggle subsides. You go through a relatively easy time, but then, almost inevitably the powerful temptations return and the struggles start all over again.
Uprooting Anger book by Kay Camenisch
Anger is a monster that destroys individuals, families, businesses, and churches. It creates fear on the road and in the workplace. Many are terrorized by it, and many are in bondage to it. The harder you try to control it, the more often it explodes. Anger, left unchecked, is sure to grow.
